If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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