I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
