Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
