i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
