I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's paper in my vomit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry about my life...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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