My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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