omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My penis needs a shock collar
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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