i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
