If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
