im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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