You just made me feel so damn special
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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