so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
