He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
