please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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