You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I touched a dick in church today
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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