remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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