i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
