I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
