I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
