AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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