Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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