my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
