sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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