I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My hand turned me down
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
