Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
