I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
