can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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