Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
