i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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