No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
