you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
