I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
