woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
