After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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