i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
