I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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