im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
