just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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