Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
handjob tips. give me some.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
