if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
