It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
