I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
