that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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