allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
