Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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