If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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