I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
