Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
