That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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