Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
zippers are such a cool invention
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
