I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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